sprackraptor:

greaterandmoreterrible:

allec-with-anxiety:

loveisallthingsmaroon:

it doesn’t work that way.

To anyone who says that to me:

A couple of quick points I’d like to make:

1. Do you REALLY think that the person is so incredibly so stupid, so completely slow, that in the midst of their panic attack, they never thought to themselves, even once, “maybe I should calm down”? SERIOUSLY? They are busy trying their very hardest to calm down as much as possible as quickly as possible using the techniques that are most effective. They don’t have time for your condescending bullshit. They know they have anxiety. You don’t need to remind them.

2. When you say stupid shit like this, you make the anxious person INFINITELY more anxious. What sounds to you like “hey, dude, I’m worried about you. Take some deep breaths” sounds to a person in an anxiety attack like “Your anxiety is noticeable and inconvenient for me. Fix it or I’ll leave you.” That’s not what you meant - but I promise you, basically any person who struggles with anxiety hears EXACTLY that when you tell them to calm down. There’s nothing you can do to make that not happen, and there’s nothing they can do to make that not happen, in that moment. That is the reality of an anxiety or panic attack. So unless you want to scare the shit out of your friend and make their anxiety significantly worse, DON’T TELL THEM TO CALM DOWN.

Thanks.

Similarly: No matter how well-meaning you are, DO NOT TELL A PERSON WHO IS HAVING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE TO “CHEER UP.” If I could “just cheer up” I FUCKING WOULD, THANKS. When I’m depressed, telling me to “cheer up” starts this cycle: 1. I can’t do that 2. what is wrong with me 3. I’m a terrible person and I’m making this other person unhappy with my problem 4. DEPRESSION GETS WORSE THANKS.

If you want to help somebody who is depressed or having an anxiety attack to calm down/cheer up, the best thing I can think of to do—things that have worked with me, and I have had them work with other people—is: 1. engage with them quietly; use emotionally neutral words, speak softly, don’t get angry, alarmed, or upset 2. ask if there’s something that you can do to help (sometimes there may be something that the person knows will help, and if you have asked and been given a suggestion, DO IT WITHOUT BITCHING OR SIGHING HEAVILY GODDAMMIT) 3. try to gently distract them—this can be anything from “Hey, want to watch this TV show with me?” to “Oh, there’s this idea I had for a conversation on a subject that you’re usually interested in…” 4. if all else fails, just SIT THERE QUIETLY AND BE PRESENT, maybe give reassuring touches as appropriate/wanted (BUT ASK FIRST), speak calmly, and listen.

Above all, respect what the person tells you to do, if they tell/ask/suggest something. If they say “leave me alone,” respect that (but let them know that they can come find you if they want, and that you may check in later to see if they want company). If they say “I don’t want a hug,” respect that and do not impose your need for reassurance on them.